September 12, 2005
SO HOT..THE PARIS HILTON FUNNIES (BY ME)"I'm just sitting here thinking how rich and hot I am,and how sad that there are people in this world that are not only poor but don't have a second vacation home"
"I'm glad all of you are here,that's hot.I have something very important to say that's hot.I am no longer the party girl that you all knew me as.I am..oh I forgot,that's hot,I am doing better things with my fame,I am going to write a book,well I'm gonna hire a writer but I am going to read it,well hire someone to read it to I mean for me.That's hot."
"My book is done.It's about everything important to the people in the world right now.It's a how to be an heiress guide.Here's an excerpt"(actual excerpt):
1 BE BORN INTO THE RIGHT FAMILY. Choose your chromosomes wisely.
2 HAVE A GREAT NAME. If you are going to be an heiress, you can't have a normal name, unless you're British. All British people have plain names, and that works pretty well over there. But in America, you've got to have a name that stands out. I love my name. Paris is my favorite city. And Paris without the P is "heiress," isn't it?
3 HAVE ABSOLUTELY FLAWLESS SKIN, BUT DON'T FRET OVER IT. Pile makeup on and never, ever have a breakout.
I'm totally giving back!
Now all I need is a great serious magazine cover to show off the new me,no hair extensions,no party club girl,no sexy pose,it's the New Paris...No bra!!