November 17, 2005
ASK HOLLYHOODThis is one of the more interesting letters that I've recieved.As some of you may know,I love giving advice and I've decided to start answering some of my e-mails on this blog.If you would like advice on any topic at all...e-mail me at firstname.lastname@example.org
I was with this woman (who used to be a hoe/stripper) in a marriage for almost 10 years. We built a family together I worked madd jobs so she could stay home and figure her life out---like, how she would get her head out of that life and get on with a real one. I wasn't an angel (I made a baby while were dating that I neglected to mention until after we were married) but I was a good husband and father. Out of nowhere , she decided to dip out with my kids and get with some ashy, broke-ass nigga with no real job but a lot of time to write bullshit poetry. I was hurt.
I met this woman who embodies alot of what I need in a woman---she's white. Our coming together was kind of accidental, but I feel like we have so much in common. I feel like I can't sleep on it. But I've been inter-racial joints before, so I know the drill, and don't know if I want to go back there. IN the end, I want to be happy, andit seems like I have given sisters more than a fair shake. I'm getting long in the tooth, and life is madd short. What do you think?
I am going to assume you told that first part of your dilemma to show us how a black woman has hurt you.Am I right in assuming that she was black?
Ok,the first woman.I personally feel like you should not have married her until she (and definitely YOU) knew where her head was.Marriage is not the thing to do when you are unsure of who you are...ask Terry McMillan.
In a relationship,especially during the dating phase.You have to get to know this person...ask questions,look at how they view life,see what kind of future they're looking for.Most importantly,before making a commitment make sure you tell your partner what you expect from a relationship..that relationship, and your partner do the same.That misunderstanding is what fucks shit up and has you 10 years down the line looking for the ejection button.
You also have to look at your own shit..you downplayed something very important...you not only cheated while you were dating but you have a living reminder of that affair.She might not have gotten over that and harbored intense feelings of anger towards your ass.If she found her a guy that was jobless that wrote poetry,what does that show me?As a woman,I can tell that she was not concerned with money,she wanted time and attention and the sensitivity that comes from a guy that writes poetry.
Woman # 2
I have a very specific opinion on inter-racial dating.
If you are doing it because you have negative feelings toward your own race and feel another race is better,than I say that you are in for a huge shock when you realize that women are women and no matter the race you will experience some of the same problems.
If you really like this woman because she appeals to all the things you find great about a woman,reguardless of race, than I say go for it.The racial problems that arise are from outside sources and I say fuck those haterz,this is about you and her.My mother is white and my father is black and the majority of the racial problems they had came from their families and friends,they only kept the people in their life that wanted to see them happy and let go of the negative, and they are still together 26 years later.
YOU DESERVE HAPPINESS.
Learn from mistakes in your past and really get into this woman for the person she is,not her race and you could find someone that will respect the relationship just as much as you.