November 22, 2005
ASK HOLLYHOODDear Hollyhood,
I have been dating this guy for 7 months and due to reasons I don't want to get into,we broke up,well I broke up with him.It's been about a month since then and he's been e-mailing me and we speak like once a week and he's been trying to have this whole "friend with benefit" type of thing and I don't want that.
His best friend told me that he's been really lonely and is getting on everybody's nerve talking about how he messed up a good thing with me.Well last night I gave him a little "benefit".But now I'm not sure if we are back together. I don't know how to approach him about this. What should I do?
Sex with an ex can be a lot of stuff: passionate, bittersweet, romantic, angry, comfortable, etc. However, sex with an ex is almost always a mistake. Instead of magically solving problems between a couple, it can create new shit.
For instance, I know for a fact you're finding it even more difficult to communicate openly with your ex how'd I know? Well, you wouldn't be asking me rather than him if the two of you are a couple again.
Wanna know my opinion right? You're not. Tell him that, while you had a sexual freak session, it's not going to happen again. (And don't let it.) Either you decide you want to forgive and forget whatever mess he did that caused you 2 to break up in the first place or you just gotta let him go.What if he did say, "Yes, darling, how could I have been such a fool, let's pick up where we left off," realize that those could be impulsive rather than well thought-out words. It takes more than one night of hot sweaty monkey love sex to cause a true change of heart. He'd have to prove to you (and to me, which might be tougher) a willingness to work on the relationship.
I'm gay and find it hard to meet other gay men because I do not like the gay scene. I have never really liked bars or clubs and am unsure of how else to meet other gay men. I know you're a woman but can you help me? Any information would be really appreciated.
I may be a straight woman but I am the gayer than any queen you'd ever meet honey(snap snap snap).So in actuality you are asking the right woman.
Well depending on the kind of man that you are looking for there is a place where he hangs.
If you live in a city where there is a gay area you might want to join a gym there,visit the bookstores,go for a walk(or jog) around the hood wearing something scandaliciously sexy.How about the barbershop or day spa?
You might want to try online dating,personal ads,chatlines,or how about making a gay friend or a gay friendly diva(we are usually surrounded by gay men) and have them hook you up with someone.