November 16, 2005
HOLLYHOOD FAUX INTERVIEWSThis is another edition of my fake interviews,where I get to finally interview the people you and I would love to hear from.If there is anyone you would like me to fake interview please don't hesitate to ask. This is actually my second faux interview,my first was with Mariah..if you missed it, read here.
I got the(fake) interview a lot of the fellas and a couple of the ladies have been waiting for.It's the interview with Internet model and Video "it" girl, Buffie "the body" Carruth.
Well the interview is not really with Buffie...it's with her ass, Buffie 2.Buffie 2 was sweet and well spoken until...well you'll read.
Hollyhood-Thanks for coming.It's good to see you in person.
BUFFIE'S ASS(a.k.a. Buffie 2)- It's great seeing you and it's great being seen.
Hollyhood- You are virtually all over the internet these days.Your pictures and videos are becoming collector's items.How do you feel about this surge of celebrity?
Buffie 2- I love the attention,I told Buffie we would get to this point one day and we did it! I was at the Vibe Awards thinking to myself how far I've come.
Hollyhood-yes you are like a diva sweetie.
Buffie 2-I love to be pampered...lol pun intended
Hollyhood-So tell me a little about yourself.
Buffie 2- I think Buffie could answer this better than I.
Buffie-Well, I was walkin' in the wholesale flower district one day
((out of nowhere Tisha Cambell,Tichina Arnold,and another woman come out doing back up))
Background- Shoop da-doo
Buffie- and I passed by this place where this old Chinese man
Buffie-he sometimes sells me weird and exotic cuttings
Buffie- 'cause he knows, you see, that strange plants are my hobby.
Background-Da da da da da da-doo.
Buffie-He didn't have anything unusual there that day.
Buffie-so I was just about to, ya know, walk on by, when suddenly,and without warning, there was this total eclipse of the sun.It got very dark and there was this strange sound like something from another world. And when the light came back this weird flat ass was just sitting there on my even flatter one.
Hollyhood-OMG what did you do?
Buffie starts to sing...
I've given you sunshine
I've given you dirt.
You've given me nothing
But heartache and hurt.
I'm beggin' you sweetly.
I'm down on my knees.
Oh, ass-grow for me!
I've given you soul food
And water to sip.
I've given you pornstars.
You've given me zip.
Oh God, how I mist you
Oh butt, how you tease
Now, ass-grow for me!
Hollyhood-That's it...and it started growing?
Buffie-Not really,I had to feed it something.
Hollyhood-What? I'm sure my readers would love to know.
((Just then her pants split and out pops two of the biggest ass cheeks I've ever seen.))
Buffie 2-FEEEEED ME
Suddenly, the cheeks spread,the teeth were huge,the smell horrific.I think I saw Dave Chapelle and the members of that failed BET group Fatty Koo.There was a huge sucking sound like a vacuum and everything got sucked up...including me.I'm temporarily doing this edition from inside the Little Ass of Horrors...HELP!!
If you've never seen Little Shop of Horrors this skit is sooo wasted on you...just look at the pictures then.